I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
