I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize