He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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