no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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