If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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