I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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