Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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