bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
