I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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