Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
