I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
