youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
