I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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