I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's the barista slut.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
