I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
