I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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