I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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