The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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