More tranny stories later!
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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