Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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