if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
