sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
