I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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