WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
