She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
