Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want a musical about memes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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