She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
