I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
