I didn't shave. On purpose
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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