I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
