R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
