morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There are leaves in my underwear?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
