Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
