Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
