I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
