five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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