Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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