"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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