i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
