Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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