worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
