This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
