I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
