i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
