his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
