when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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