Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
