so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
