the day after is always just damage control
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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