Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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