16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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