Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
