In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
