you guys were way drunker than both of me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
