Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
