I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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