I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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