hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
