DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
