The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
