i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
