piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?