so let's talk penis.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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