he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
