please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
