I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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