I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
