I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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