I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
