Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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