Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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